Harper's Surgery Part 2

ASD Video Information

Harper is doing really well. I have posted some before and after pics along with this post to show you how different this little baby girl is now that her heart has been healed. You can click on the link "ASD Video Information" to watch a quick clip telling a little about H's condition.

Baby H was born with both Atrial Septal Defect (ASD) and Ventricular Septal Defact (VSD). These are heart defects and were diagnosed before leaving the hospital after she was born. H's cardiologist advised us and our family members not to look her defect up online as she may very well grow out of it within about 3 weeks time. Well, that wasn't the case. It was a struggle for H to simply eat. Because of her defects, improper blood flow to her heart was causing her to pant and sweat during each feeding. Nursing was actually going well considering she had latched well in the hospital before leaving to go home, then was forced to drink formula from a bottle when I was in the ICU, then latched back to nurse once I returned home and was off of the antibiotics and other medicine that caused nursing to be unsafe. However, she was only able to drink .5 oz. at a time due to her heart defects making her so tired. It was like running a marathon, untrained, just in order to nurse! Obviously, at her pediatric appointments, we were told that she was not gaining weight appropriately. After many pediatric and cardiology appointments, and a huge struggle of having to supplement with formula, we (Dr.'s, KJ and I) realized she would need open heart surgery...

It was in the early evening that we were told by H's cardiologist that we would need to head down to UCLA first thing in the morning the next day. We sensed, all along, that this would be H's (and our) reality, however when the Dr actually told us he had already begun the admissions process for her at UCLA, I was heart broken and dumbfounded (to say the least). I was recently out of the ICU myself! How can this be real?!?! Family was home with us when we got the news, luckily! As KJ made all the phone calls to the hospital and the Tiverton House, where we stayed throughout H's procedure, I wandered around the house trying to make sense of what to pack. We knew we would be there a few weeks... My mind kept asking, how do I know what to pack? I am a brand new mom who has a hard time packing for herself for out-of-town trips. How many clothes, diapers, pacifiers, wipes? Will they let us have our own stuff in the hospital? Can I bring H's favorite glow turtle so she has some sense of normalcy? Does she even have a sense of normalcy at 6 weeks old? Honestly the list goes on... to say the least, I was overwhelmed!
The next morning, we finished packing up, got into the car, and left for UCLA. We had NO clue what lay ahead!
I sat in the back with H. She did so well and slept the majority of the ride to UCLA. Once we arrived, we waited in the emergency room to be admitted. H got called back, weighed, measured, fed, seen by several doctors, and put into a room until a bed opened up for her upstairs. We were immediately impressed with all of the doctors and nurses! We were treated with kindness and sensitivity and were always kept informed. We only waited a few hours in the emergency room (we were warned it could be overnight or several overnights in the ER before a bed would open up) before we were taken up to her room on the pediatric oncology wing. The pediatric cardiology wing was full.
Once H was all settled in her room, KJ and I took turns staying with her and getting settled in our own accommodations; as well as eating, resting, and attending Dr.'s rounds so we could hear what the next phase of treatment was going to be for our little girl. She had several x-rays, EKGs, ECHOs, and was weighed daily for the next couple of days until it was finally decided that she needed a feeding tube to assist in her in gaining weight in order to prepare for open heart surgery. At this point, when the surgeon finally came to us and told us that open heart surgery was the definite plan for H, we were actually relieved. After 7, long weeks of watching her struggle to eat, and never gaining weight, we were desperate for something, even if it meant open heart surgery, to help our precious baby. We completely trusted the surgeons and doctors, but most importantly we knew God had H exactly where he knew she would always end up, and we were ready for our baby to get the help she needed to survive!
Surgery day: I can remember EVERY SINGLE MOMENT... KJ and I both stayed the night with H the night before her surgery. KJ was up until 2am with H and the nurses, trying to get her to eat for the last few times before having to fast for the surgery. I was trying to get some rest but kept waking up throughout the night and checking on them. God definitely blessed my sleep as I was able to get the best night's rest I had gotten since she was born, even when waking up a few times to check on H. (Most people may have gotten their worst night's sleep in this same situation).
A couple family members came before the sun was up to kiss our baby before she was taken to the pre-operating area. As family members were chauffeured to the pre-op waiting room, KJ and I went with H to a little room where they took her vitals, hooked her up to some machines, and we tried to pacify her hunger with a paci... she actually did really well. After what seemed like forever and a million doctors, nurses, and anesthesiologists later, H was taken away from us down a long hallway. We headed upstairs to meet the rest of our family to wait until her surgery was finished.
We were told that H's surgery would last a total of about two hours, and that her nurse would call us in the waiting room and inform us of when the Dr. had made the first incision. Two hours later, we got the first call saying the incision had been made.... this was the longest two hours of my life. The nurse explained to me that they had trouble getting IVs into our little tiny baby girl's body. It had taken them the entire two hours just to get her prepared for her surgery. After I hung up the phone, I broke down in hysterics, in front of everyone, in the waiting room. I don't know why this moment was so monumental to me emotionally, but maybe it made everything very, very real to me. Maybe I had been holding my breathe for 7, long weeks, and I needed to exhale all of the emotion I had yet to express. Whatever it was, I still never lost faith that God would see her through her surgery. He would assist the surgeons and doctors, and be right by my baby girl's side the whole time.
It was only 30 minutes later that H's surgeon came up to speak with us to tell us the two holes in her heart had been patched and the surgery was successful. We waited a while longer to see our baby girl. When we were finally able to see her, nothing would prepare KJ and I for what we saw...
It was like a scene from your worst nightmare. Your tiny 6 pound infant's life being sustained by machines that were so big and loud, with so many wires and tubes, we could hardly even find her amongst it all. Her tiny chest with the long,  closed up incision and a chest tube coming our her stomach, an intubation tube in her mouth that kept her breathing, IVs everywhere, and monitors that told us every little detail about how her major organs were functioning. At the sight, I stopped breathing, my legs turned to jello, my head grew dizzy, my heart was broken for the millionth time throughout this process, and I barely made it to a chair beside her bed. I thought I was going to pass out, luckily, I didn't. However, my heart and emotions were numb. I didn't know what to say, how to act, what to do. I just listened. Listened to the noises and watched her little body, praying God was comforting her in this painful situation. (KJ mentioned later that when he saw her he wanted to rip out all of the tubes and run away with her, to save her from her pain. From what we have heard, the hardest part about being a parent is doing what is truly best for them. We learned this early, as it was obviously best for KJ to leave her right where she was at where she could be cared for appropriately by doctors and nurses). 
After the shock of the situation wore off a little, KJ began to ask the nurse several questions about what we could expect for the next few days. We were constantly kept informed and, again, we took turns staying wither her overnight. Slowly but surely, the different tubes, and wires were taken off of her. Day by day, Harper was growing stronger. We got to take our little blessing home from the hospital, again, about a week after surgery.
Today, she is a very strong, healthy baby girl. And we are the most blessed parents to have her with us! We thank God for our baby girl's life!
Just this past Sunday Pastor Roger did a sermon that really solidified what KJ and I had put our faith in all along. He talked about how suffering and difficulties are a natural part of life. These trials are what make us dependent on Christ because our sufferings are God's way of giving us the opportunity to trust in, and depend on Him, instead of ourselves to get through. Many of us just decide to be angry and question what we ever did to deserve something so horrible in our lives, and push God away. However, God never promised to exempt us from sufferings and difficulties because we became Christians. Showing faith and strength in God through trials can be a ministry to others. Maybe Harper's story has touched one person in a way that will be unforgettable. Maybe her strength has given someone else strength. Hopefully her story will be a true testament of God's love. 


Before Surgery:

After surgery:

Harper's Surgery

Harper had her open heart surgery on Thursday, January 12. Just over one month ago. She has had a good recovery so far. She is growing well and continues to move in a positive direction. We are headed to the doctor today because she caught a cold and we need to be sure that she does not get an infection that would compromise her recovery. She has been pretty agitated the last couple of days from being congested, but is currently resting well.

Thank you to those of you who have supported us through your prayers, love, gifts, and financial donations. We appreciate everyone who has given us encouragement and strength through the past 12 weeks. We know God won't ever give us anything we can't handle.

ICU

...(This part is the most difficult for me to write because of being in and out of consciousness during the whole ER experience, making it difficult for things to come together. I had to ask several people to fill in some holes. It is also a very emotional memory.)

KJ drove me to the ER. At the receptionist's desk, I could hardly stand upright, gasping for air KJ quickly explained to the receptionist nurse that I had recently been sent home from the very same hospital after giving birth to our baby girl. He didn't even have to request for them to look at me right away so we could get back to Harper... the receptionist called out to other nurses and they rushed me back to a small room, literally threw me onto a gurney and began hooking me up to machines, drawing blood, taking vitals... (I remember thinking to myself, as I lay there hardly able to breath, this is exactly like a scene from Grey's Anatomy, one of my favorite shows). They had successfully placed one IV, but were trying to place a second, at the doctors request, and were not successful. I was trying to stay sitting up and every doctor and nurse kept pushing me back down. When I was in the lying down position, I would stop breathing even though I was gasping with every ounce of energy I had to get air in and out. I felt like I was suffocating. I began to panic a bit more when the EKG technician started blurting out medical terms I did not understand and they ripped all of the leads off of me and began taking me somewhere else... all the while, they were continuing to try and find veins that would successfully allow an IV to be placed.

The doctors and nurses wheeled me out of that room to a small corner of the ER where they began to explain to me all of the possible problems I may be experiencing... most of them explained that sometimes, after giving birth, women will get blood clots. They believed that I had one in my lungs and wanted to take me to get a CT scan. However, they still needed to get an IV in me before running anymore tests. They kept trying in different places all over my body, and it was excruciatingly painful! I became very agitated by all the poking. I was still trying to stay sitting up at this point, and they were still pushing me back down. The next thing I remember, two people came over to me; KJ and a nurse wearing navy blue scrubs (you will later learn that God specifically sent her to me). KJ was talking with nurses and doctors. I couldn't get his attention. I needed him to explain to them why I could not lay down because I couldn't explain for myself. That is when I noticed the nurse in navy blue also wearing a beautiful cross necklace. She came up to me and asked what she could do to make me more comfortable. She explained that she was a respiratory nurse. She could see that I was having a hard time breathing and that I could not lay down. At that point she requested to all doctors and nurses to leave me sitting up... what a relief that was for me, what a "nice nurse". She then asked if she could cut my top off so they could get a gown on me and take me for a CT scan of my lungs. I quickly nodded my head... the nurses were still bustling, poking, prodding, trying to place an IV. As the "nice nurse" quickly cut my clothes off (another flashback of Grey's Anatomy), KJ looked over and I could not help but be scared by the look on his face. My heart broke for him, not being able to help me the way he always does when I don't feel well. Finally, the nurses gave up on trying to get the second IV in, and began wheeling me down the halls of the hospital. The "nice nurse" reassured me that she wouldn't leave me, another huge relief. This is where I begin losing consciousness.

I remember being wheeled down hallways that seemed to last forever. My inability to breath, got worse, I became more scared as I realized that I don't remember telling KJ that I loved him as they wheeled me away. Then my body began to shut down. Just as we entered the CT room, I lost all fluids. It was a very strange feeling. Most people might think that I might have just peed my pants, which is what I told the nurse had happened through gasping breaths, even though something was telling me deep down that it was much more than that. It was. It was coming out from everywhere and wasn't stopping no matter what I did to try and stop it. I literally lost all control of my body functions. I was very scared but didn't want to show it. I remember thinking that I needed to be strong in order to get through this for my baby girl and my husband. I decided to tell the "nice nurse", in more detail, what was happening to me. As I tried to explain through my struggled breathing, she looked down and realized how worried I was and reassured me that everything would be ok, and that she pees her pants every time she sneezes... I was so blessed in this moment to realize that she was 100% by my side, there for me no matter what. She told me I would have to lay down with my arms over my head for the CT, but that she would stay in the room with me and hold my hand if I wanted her to... of course I nodded yes. I was praying during that time and don't really remember much but hearing some noises and someone coming over the loud speaking saying there was no clot and that the X-Ray room was ready for me, my eyes went black.

When I regained consciousness, I was in the X-Ray room and the "nice nurse" was explaining to me that they were going to take an X-Ray of my chest and that she would have to leave me for a second during the X-Ray but would be in a little room with a window so I could see her the whole time. Since I couldn't lay down a technician had to hold me in place. Before they could get the X-Ray I began to get sick. I was throwing up bubbly fluid that was redish-pink. I thought I was throwing up blood... I looked over at the "nice nurse" and she reassured me I was going to be ok, explained to the other nurses in medical terms what was coming up, then left the room again so the technician could get the X-Ray of my chest. I don't remember the X-Ray being taken.

When I woke up next, I was in a small room, surrounded by many doctors, nurses, scary curtains, and as I looked over to the left, I saw KJ and a few family members. The "nice nurse" was slowly explaining to me that I needed to slow down my breathing for her and for my baby at home. I remember thinking to myself, this must be more serious than I thought... she was needing me to survive for my daughter. I remember slumping over and feeling like I couldn't continue the struggle.

The next time I awoke, there were loud machines and a lady doctor in my face telling me that if I didn't slow down my breathing they were going to sedate me and put me on life support! The "nice nurse" was very upset by this news and began to literally beg and plead with the doctor to give me some more time to slow down my breathing. This is when the "nice nurse" got down in my face, held my hand, looked me right into the eyes and told me that I really needed to slow down my breathing so that I could see my baby again. She told me that she believed in me, that she knew I was strong enough and that she would fight for me not to go on life support as long as I would try. I tried. It felt like maybe only a total of 2 seconds and the machines quieted. The "nice nurse" was telling the lady doctor that I was able to do it and didn't need sedation. My eyes went black.

When I awoke the next time, the "nice nurse" was explaining that she was going to put a mask on me. It was going to be very awkward. It was going to breath for me. I needed to not fight it. I needed to slow down my breathing even more with it. She put it on and told me it would shoot air down my throat and up my nose. She would start it slow then turn it up as much as I could handle it. Once she placed it on me, I thought it looked like the mask that Tom Cruise wore in Top Gun (a favorite movie of mine) when he was flying the jet. From then on, in my mind, the face mask was called the "Jet Pack". Once she turned it on, it did exactly what she said it would do. I felt like I was on a very fast roller-coaster that was making my face and lips flap in the wind. Once I relaxed, I was able to let it do the breathing for me and I figured out how to allow more air into my lungs by taking breathes at certain times. I was instantly relieved and felt a bit more relaxed. My eyes went black.

I awoke to my dad down in my face, since I was still slumped over but sitting up. He was rubbing my leg and telling me to be strong. His face was strong. That made me strong. I looked over and saw KJ. I wanted him to come be by my side. My eyes went black.

KJ was by my side. I was trying to remember the ASL letters to sign Harper's name to him so he could reassure me that she was ok. I got through the "H", the "A", "R", then I forgot how to sign the "P". I just continued to sign the rest of her name, "E", "R". He wasn't understanding what I was signing. So he asked for a pen and paper. My mom rummaged her purse and when she gave it to me I wrote "Harper". He reassured me she was fine. Then I began losing consciousness again, but apparently began to write very silly things that didn't make sense and had nothing to do with my situation. My eyes went black.

An ECHO technician was by my side with his machine, the same machine they had used on Harper before leaving the hospital. He was trying to do the ECHO while I was sitting up. He tried over and over and finally told me that I would have to lay down. I refused. I had finally been given a little bit of relief and I wasn't about to give that up. The lady doctor threatened me again with the fact that I would have to go on life support if I didn't lay down. The "nice nurse" couldn't fight for me on this one. They absolutely needed the ECHO. I looked over at a new doctor and he was explaining something to my family and KJ. All I heard were the words, "cardiac arrest". My eyes went black.

I awoke in peace. A peace I don't ever remember feeling before. It wasn't a struggle to breathe. However doctors and nurses were very loud around me. They were saying I was going to have to be put on life support. They were arguing with the "nice nurse" who was asking them not to and reading out medical numbers to convince them she was right. I remember feeling like they had forgotten I was there. ( I was told this is what I did)... I raised my hand, nodded yes, and laid down and leaned in the direction of the ECHO technician, giving him permission to do the ECHO. I laid there, peaceful, not gasping for breath, for over 10 minutes. What I do remember is laying down and agreeing with the Lord that, yes, I was strong enough to do this. HE was with me always. HE gave me strength. It was the most peaceful feeling I have had ever in my life.

I awoke in the ICU, with KJ by my side, my "Jet Pack" still on my face, "nice nurse" gone. I spent four long days and nights in the ICU missing my baby girl, thanking God for my life.

The doctors finally agreed that I had Postpartum Cardio Myopathy. A heart attack due to giving birth. It is a rare condition. Because of my heart attack, my lungs had filled with fluid and I was literally drowning inside.

I found out later that the "nice nurse" had found my family in the waiting before leaving her shift. She told them that she was leaving her shift and heading to her Bible Study group. She would pray for me there.

A couple days into my stay in the ICU, the "nice nurse" came and found me. We both cried when we saw each other again. I asked what church she went to, she told me Valley Baptist... that is where KJ and I attend.

The Return

Thanksgiving Day we returned home from the hospital after giving birth to our precious little girl. While in the hospital, we had a few complications. Harper had been born with the cord around her neck. She had trouble breathing at first but the NICU nurses were able to help her take her first breath. She continued to breathe on her own and was fine. While still in the hospital, she was also diagnosed with an Atrial Septal Defect (ASD) as well as a Ventrical Septal Defect (VSD). Basically, she has two holes in her heart; one that needs to be monitored and possibly operated on once she gets a bit older.

Throughout our stay in the hospital, I had, unknowingly, been having symptoms of a heart attack. I woke up on two different nights gasping for air, having chest pain, and was drenched in sweat from head-to-toe. KJ and I believed I was suffering from anxiety as we had been dealing with uncertain news about Harper’s heart condition as well having a scare with her not breathing after being born with cord wrapped around her neck.

Thursday night, after returning home, I suffered the same symptoms as I had in the hospital. However, this time was different. I struggled to catch my breath for the remainder of the night and into the early morning. I believed I was having an asthma attack and took my inhaler a few different times, even though I kept telling KJ something was very different from my typical asthma experiences. My asthma had been a learning process throughout my entire pregnancy as it had been dormant since I was little and only returned when I became pregnant with Harper.

By 4:30 in the morning on Friday, November 25^th, I was still suffering from the symptoms I had awoken with in the middle of the night. I was hardly able to breathe and had attempted to give myself a breathing treatment by shutting myself in the bathroom with the hot shower running. The steam was minimally effective. In addition, I was still having a tightness/pain in my chest. KJ had been trying to get me to go to the Dr., but in my gut I knew I needed to go to the ER, I just didn’t want to admit it to myself or anyone else for fear of having to leave my baby. By 6:30am I was only able to breathe if I was sitting up and leaning forward. I was trying to get some rest and take care of Harper at the same time, but my lack of oxygen intake was making me extremely uncomfortable. We had an appointment at the hospital that morning to get Harper’s Billy Ruben retested. Just walking from the car to the lab where they took her blood completely exhausted me. At this point, I still thought I was having asthma/anxiety. It was a chilly morning and I became extremely cold and feverish as well. I was so feverish, I felt chilled to the bone. I was walking slower than I ever had, yet feeling like I was sprinting the last lap of a race. I asked KJ to bring the car around to the valet because I didn’t think I could make it all the way through the parking lot.

Once we were home, I attempted to rest in bed. I was shivering and felt chilled to the bone, but didn’t have a fever. Since I could only breath sitting up and leaning forward, it was nearly impossible to fall asleep. I ended up falling asleep for 10 minutes on my right side. I awoke even more miserable than before. KJ had been out running errands when I woke up. I texted him to come home, that I wanted to go to the ER. I was scared and extremely uncomfortable. It killed me to leave my baby girl behind. But I knew my mom would take good care of her until I could get back to her in a few hours.

A few hours turned into four days…

Harper's Arrival

Tuesday 11~22~11

4:15am

The early morning started out very routine as KJ left the house just before 4am for work. At 4:15am, just as I was falling back to sleep, my water broke. I was very excited and a lot nervous all at the same time. I called KJ and texted immediate family members to let them know the news. Once KJ returned home, I took a nice, long, warm shower. I remember thinking to myself, the next time we come home to our little apartment things will be much different. I had absolutely no idea how right I was.

5:15am

Once we arrived at the hospital the time was passed by the long process of being admitted. We were asked a million questions, hooked up to IVs and monitors, and I was started on Pitocin. My contractions slowly moved closer together and became stronger and stronger, but still, the pain was manageable. Once I was about 5cm dilated, I began to realize that if I didn’t ask for pain medicine or my epidural soon, the contractions would become almost unbearable. After speaking to my nurse I was informed that I should be having my epidural soon so we decided to wait it out. Not much longer after we made that decision, the nurse returned and said that the anesthesiologist had several patients ahead of me, still waiting for their epidural. I knew I would not be able to handle much more pain so I asked for pain medicine. I got substantial relief from the pain medicine, but could still feel pressure. Once I received the epidural, things moved quickly. I reached 9cm in less than an hour and it was time to push. From the time I began to push to the time Harper was born was a total of 30 short minutes.

4:20pm

Harper was born with the umbilical chord wrapped around her neck. Through the panic of the NICU nurses rushing into the labor and delivery room and assisting her breathing, my Dr. was concerned about my retained placenta. As she was literally fishing for my placenta with her hand, I was praying my heart out that Harper would be ok. Just as I would find peace and trust in the Lord, I would begin to panic again. This cycle of panic and peace through prayer lasted several minutes until I finally heard Harper’s little tiny cry for the first time. It was the best sound I had ever heard. Eventually, I was able to hold my baby girl on my chest and adore everything about her. Through all of this KJ was my rock. He took care of me and let the nurses and doctors take care of Harper.

9:30pm

Harper and I were kept in the labor and delivery room for several hours and were continuously monitored by the nurses to make sure the breathing and retained placenta issues were completely resolved. Once we were moved to our post partum room, we got settled for the night. Shortly after falling asleep for the night, I woke up in the hospital bed gasping for air, drenched in sweat, with a tightness/pain in my chest. It felt like an elephant had been sitting on my chest. Since this was my first time giving birth, I thought that it must be something to do with exhaustion, hormone levels changing, and possibly a bit of anxiety from the events of the day. I tried to process through my emotions to assess whether or not I needed to call a nurse. After a few minutes, I began to feel a little better and managed to fall back to sleep.

Wednesday 11~23~11

The day was exciting as KJ and I had visitors, throughout the day. We were so in love with our baby girl and very much loving showing her off to anyone who walked through the door. We were both exhausted, but thriving off of being brand new parents. Nursing was going well, and Harper seemed to be content. KJ and I both were looking forward to going home by the end of the day on Wednesday and spending our first night at home as a family. Unfortunately, that didn’t happen. We were told at the end of the day that Harper’s Billy Ruben levels were too high and the pediatrician was not going to release us. She believed Harper was at risk for having Jaundice. After we dealt with the obvious disappointment, we settled in for the night. Once again, I awoke, not long after falling asleep, to the same shortness of breath, sweating from head to toe, and tightness/pain in my chest. I began to think that something was actually wrong with me. I thought that I was having severe anxiety. This worried me. I thought that the anxiety may be a sign of Post Partum Depression. I woke KJ up and told him my symptoms and explained to him that the same thing had happened the previous night as well. We made sure I was drinking water and stayed up for a while reading scripture and praying together.

Thursday 11~24~11 (Thanksgiving Day)

We were both getting very anxious to leave the hospital and go home with our precious baby girl to spend Thanksgiving as a family. Nurses had come into our room at 3am to take Harper for her Billy Ruben test. Later that morning we were visited by the Pediatrician who also informed us that, even though Harper’s Billy Ruben levels were stable, she believed Harper had a heart murmur. She had called in a Pediatric Cardiologist to visit Harper in the hospital and we would have to stay until he checked her out. Once again we were disappointed to not be able to go home, but concerned about this new development in Harper’s health. Once the Cardiologist arrived, he performed an ECHO on her heart. He informed us that she has two holes in her heart. One of the holes, she would most likely outgrow, however the second hole was larger and cause for more concern. He told us what her condition was, drew us a diagram, asked to see her when she was 3 weeks old, and requested that we not look her condition up on the internet. At this point, even though the cardiologist released us to go home and didn't find her heart condition an immediate concern, I completely broke down in the hospital bed next to my precious baby girl who had a broken heart. It was a lot to handle as a brand new parent. Fortunately, at the end of the day, we did end up going home. Family came to visit and brought us Thanksgiving dinner. It was so nice to be home.

Preparing for Harper's Arrival

We have been excitedly preparing for Harper's arrival. It seems like almost yesterday that we found out we were pregnant, and now we have weekly Dr. visits that keep us on our toes! There has been so much involved in preparing for a new addition to our little family! I sometimes feel overwhelmed, but mostly, we are excited and can't wait to hold our little bundle of joy in our arms. I have been dreaming about how beautiful she will be and the last few nights, I have been sleeping better than I have this entire pregnancy. Possibly God has given me a peace and contentment that I need in order to prepare me for what will come.

Family and friends have helped us prepare for our time with Harper as well. I have been blessed and truly appreciate the other mommies giving gentle advice when asked, as well as family members sharing in our excitement. We have had two showers already and are preparing for a third this weekend on the coast. We have been so richly blessed by the gifts from people that have truly helped us attain the necessities in order to raise up our little girl!

Our hospital bag is officially packed! I was a bit stressed about this part, as I had no clue what to bring and looking online and in all the parenting books, every one of them said something different to think about. I finally just settled on what I think I may need to get through a couple days in the hospital.

Harper's nursery is pretty much complete, with the exception of her bumper pad and dust ruffle that my mom is currently sewing together for her. Her dresser turned out lovely and both KJ and I love that we both took the time to refurbish it for her. The crib and changer are all ready to go, clothes washed, diapers prepared, and pretty much all we need is our little baby girl to complete the room!

At my Dr. appointment today, I was told that she has turned in my belly and her head is down in my pelvic region. Harper has officially assumed the position required for her to be brought into this world. However, I was not dialated yet, so the Dr. felt pretty certain she wouldn't come into our lives this week. As much as I was bummed to hear that because I can't wait to meet her, I was relieved to hear it as we don't want her to be too small or premature, and we are planning on doing some traveling to the coast this weekend to see family and friends.

We took our maternity pictures with KJ's cousin Ginny and loved how they turned out, but honestly would rather have pics of us with our baby girl in our arms. Check out our pics and we will post again once Harper has arrived!

Baby Powell

We are already 23 weeks pregnant! I can't believe how fast this pregnancy is going! I know it will go even faster when school starts and things get hectic and crazy ( in a good way). We had a baby gender revealing party on July 23rd and are excited to welcome a baby girl. Many names have been discussed and the one I believe we have decided on is... Harper Lynn Powell. Now that we know the gender, nursery planning, etc has been put into motion! We also decided to do cloth diapers, HOWEVER there are many new cloth diapers on the market that are much more modern and convenient than the old school cloth diapers that were folded and pinned with a clothes pin. We are excited about GDiapers which give mommy and daddy the option to insert disposable or cloth inserts depending on the situation. We are also excited about Fuzzubunz, Thirsties, and Charlie Banana cloth/reusable diapers (all of which can be ordered online at Target). We are currently registered at Babies R Us and Target. We look forward to bringing home baby Harper in early December and starting this new journey in life and parenthood!

This week Harper has been kicking and moving around like crazy! Our trusty pregnancy bible (Pregnancy by Dr. Laura Riley) mentions she will be more active this week than ever, her brain will be growing, and most major organs will be fully developed and working hard! Mommy will be forgetful (nothing new) and a bit more fatigued than normal. Surprisingly, my energy levels have been doing well. Next week with Vball double workouts and classroom preparation may be another story.

Pictures of the gender revealing party to come soon!

Lately...

... Two things!

I passed the CSET Subtest I!!! Woohoo! Two more to go. I am thinking that I will try and take them both at the same time in Novemember! The next test date is September 11, but there are so many festivities going on in September for us, I figured I would be more motivated to study for the November test date. However, once I pass those tests, I only have two more courses and my TPA's. I will then, officially be finished with school! Just have to wait for approval on the student teaching waiver, and I will be a credentialed teacher with a Master's in Elementary Education! The countdown is on!!!!

Next, my wisdom teeth extraction went well! I was so drugged up I was telling the dentist to just yank harder and the teeth would just come out! Apparently, I was ready for them to be out of my mouth! LOL! Even though I was awake through the entire surgery and remember pretty much the whole event, I was on a lot of sedation pills that made me quite loopy! KJ came to pick me up for the surgery an hour and a half after I took the first set of sedation pills, and I did not recognize him. I was asking how he got into my house. Once I finally remembered who he was, I was extremely difficult. I was all over the place and saying crazy things! This, I don't remember. Nor do I remember my father picking me up from the surgery! My dad said that I was awake and slurring my words the whole way home, but I literally have no recollection of any of this. It is crazy how the drugs worked for me. I wasn't supposed to remember the surgery, but I did. I was supposed to remember everything before and after the surgery, but I didn't.... hmmmm.... let's just be thankful I don't have to deal with medication on a regular basis!!!!

Since the surgery, healing has been a slow go, but I had no swelling at all. I followed the dentists instructions and drank pineapple juice for two whole weeks before the surgery. It is really complicated to eat these days. I had the surgery over a week ago now, and I am still in pain here and there. Eating is complicated and painful at times. You would think I would have lost my appetite, but no, I am still loving food. I just take 10 times longer to eat than normal.

Done Housesitting for the Summer!

Although we thoroughly enjoyed all the housesitting that we have done this summer, it is nice to be back home in our own bed! It was such a blessing to be able to take care of people's homes and animals, especially in Chowctaw Valley where it is beautiful and peaceful. We didn't have the opportunity to take a summer vacation together so we kind of considered our housesitting adventures as little getaways.

After arriving home yesterday, I realized just how much I had been wanting to do to our apartment for so many months now. So, I took yesterday to finish decorating the guest bedroom, decorate some of the bare walls, and FINALLY got some frames purchased so we can get some prints of our wedding up on our walls. Redecorating, cleaning, and laundry took the entire day, but is well worth it. I love the smell and sparkle of a freshly cleaned home! I literally did every bit of laundry and after all this time, realized that we actually do not have enough hangers to hang all of our clothes if they are all clean at the same time.... back to Target we go.

Looking forward to Church today, especially since the Powell family will actually be complete. Dustin and Rebekah are home from their summer project in Tampa. I only heard Rebekah's stories, but it seems that God was moving in mighty ways in Tampa!

As much as I hate the dentist...

... I will be relieved once he yanks out my wisdom teeth!

Since Monday, I have been dealing with excruciating pain in the lower right wisdom tooth. I literally have been unable to function normally since the pain started. I was taking regular anti-inflamitories but they hardly helped. Ice packs on my cheeks as well as mushy foods were also only a bit of help. I finally decided on Thursday that I needed to see a dentist. I went to my dentist on Friday afternoon and he said, "WOW, that is really bad." I told him that I extremely dislike going to the dentist so it has to be really bad for me to even show up! The quickest they could get me in to do the extraction of all 4 wisdom teeth is August 4th! I have to wait a week and a half in this awful pain! In the meantime the dentist gave me vicadin.... I hate that stuff too. It makes me feel soooo gross, AND it only really relieves a small bit of pain as well! GOODNESS.. this is going to be a long week and half, especially considering that I will be teaching several of those days before the surgery.. :0(

Studying Woes!

I am supposed to be studying!

Instead I enjoy playing with my new quick pop maker!

For those of you who don't know, I am studying for my first of the 3-set tests for the CSET. I am soooo not ready and the exam is on Saturday! I am taking the english, language, and history set of the exam. I studied for several days and then took a few days off. Now I will be getting back into studying today through Saturday! The CSET is for my credential! I am really only about 15 credits short of my Master's of Elementary Education and Teaching Credential. This is exciting except for the fact that there are hardly any teaching jobs in the entire nation right now! :0(... well, at least I have part of a teaching job this year!

Summer Time = Summer Treats

Zoku Quick Pop Maker

I have been looking all summer for well-made popsicle molds! I remember being young and on 4th of July we would always have homemade ice cream (working on getting an ice cream maker as well) and my mom had homemade popsicles made for us all summer long! So as I was continually let down by cheapy Target or WalMart (no offense) brand popsicle molds, I knew there had to be something better out there! Alas! Our cousin Ginnie wrote something on her Facebook about the Zoku Quick Pop Maker and I was thrilled! It wasn't until I actually realized that we had a Williams Sanoma in Bakersfield that I made KJ rush me there and we bought the whole shabang!!! I couldn't wait to get some pops made so this morning, bright and early, as soon as KJ left for work... I began making my first batch of pops! The picture is the OJ-BananaBerry ones I made. They were my first batch and my most successful batch. I made a second batch that were BananaBerry-Vanilla Yogurt-TropiocalBerry... well those ones turned out alright, but the yogurt had air bubbles and didn't form correctly. Then my last attempt to make Kj something that he would enjoy was the layered HersheySyrup-Chocolate Fudgsicle. Well, just so you all know, Hershey's Syrup does NOT freeze... annoying! So anyway, the fudge layers froze lovely, but the chocolate syrup layers kind of just melted right off! As you can imagine they look awful silly but I saved two so KJ would at least be able to eat the fudgsicle part and not feel completely left out of my new pop craze!!!

New Journey in Life!

Again, another several months has passed since I have updated... I promise to get better at this, and you will soon learn why...

Since the new year, we continued to work hard and have crazy conflicting schedules that never really allowed us to have the desired household routine; go to work, come home from work, wife cooks dinner, husband of new wife smiles then says dinner is good and asks for more, lay down on the couch and watch tv together, go to bed.... (that would have been ideal)! It went more like, one of us was still sleeping while the other left for work, and then one of us came home from work while the other had already been asleep for hours :0(. NOT IDEAL FOR GROWTH IN MARRIAGE! However, many wise old timers told us to enjoy it for now.... (ugh)!

So, in the spirit of economical change, we are taking on a new pace in life starting this upcoming September! I had been praying for a while for God to reveal a way that my life could slow down. I was working over 50 hours a week and then coming home to do my own homework for my Master's and Credential (the degree that never ends) until late every night. It was killer! I was miserable and loathed my fast paced, never enough time in the day lifestyle! Needless to say, I was literally begging God to help lead the way toward a more sane lifestyle for our marriage. I have the desire to be at home more, taking care of the house. I have the desire to have the time and energy to make my husband lunch everyday for work just like my mom always did for my dad. I have the desire to look somewhat cute when my husband comes home from work and welcome him home with dinner on the table. And even though I know this is not so much of a reality for dual income households, I still have that desire. I love my husband so much and see his servant's heart and absolutely love all of the ways that he serves me and it just breaks my heart that I feel like I have not been able to fill my days with wifely duties that match my own standards of what wives can do for their families. In addition, KJ and I wanted to be able to spend more time in prayer together. We feel that this is so important for the spiritual growth in our marriage and we really have only been leaving a little prayer journal out for one another to read about the other's prayer requests. In addition, we have recently become members and Valley Baptist. It is our wonderful new church home! We have been praying for a church home and different ministries that we can give to monetarily and voluntarily.

So after months of praying God has answered my prayers.

I will now only be teaching part time at Heritage. With many changes that are taking place at the school due to the economy, one of them was that Sam and I will now be partner teaching one of the 2nd grade classes. God is good and has now allowed an entire half of a day for me to be at home! What a faithful God we serve! I am so excited for this because I really believe this is God allowing me to fulfill the desires of my heart! And even though our finances are literally chopped up by 1/3, we will make it through! It will definitely be tough, and our diligence will be tested daily, but we are still blessed to be able to stay living under our own roof! I am still praying that this will not allow for more things to come into my life that the things that are here will be less rushed and I can be more relaxed and dedicated/focused on finishing my degree (only 15 units to go) and being more of the wife that I desire to be.

KJ has also made some changes! The Lord opened doors for KJ to be a seasonal firefighter. This allowed KJ to leave Fellowship Baptist and move on from the church in order for us to find our own church together as a newly married couple. However, due to the state of California having a major budget crisis, his crew has still not been brought on and may never be brought on this season. He has been pursuing working with other crews, but in the mean time has taken a full-time job with Killian Pest Control since there are just no gaurantees right now with the fire crew. He is still with CVS and will probably stay on until our finances balance out after September. He has been so blessed to find these jobs as many people struggle daily for employment. I recently read in a news article that Bakersfield was listed as the highest unemployment rate in the nation, as well as the most impoverished city in the nation (not sure what this was all based on, but CRAZY!). So, needless to say, we are thankful for our income, no matter how little it may seem.

Thankfully we were able to meet up with a wonderful couple last night, David and Emily Rimestead. They are friends of KJ's from growing up and now my friends as well! Last night they allowed us to learn more about their upcoming ministry opportunity and have allowed us to join their support team! We believe that they are following God's calling for their lives in fulfilling the great commission! We are so thankful for the opportunity to be giving to such a great ministry. They are a wonderful team and we couldn't be happier for them!

One last tid bit...

There aren't plans for any babies yet. I know so many of you have been wondering and asking, etc. However, it is probably best that I get through my last 15 units of school and make sure that I can fulfill my teaching contract this upcoming school year. (Thanks for your concern!)

We're Back with wedding pics and all!

Hey all,

Sorry it has been soooo long since we have updated you! We have been married a month and a half now and we are loving married life. Everyday has been a new adventure! We usually only have time to take walks together since KJ has been working so much between church and CVS. But we really enjoy our conversation on our walks and of course, Leia benefits from all of this as well... by the way, she loves KJ way more than she loves me now! :0) Anyway, our wedding was absolutely beautiful and wonderfully perfect. I couldn't have asked for anything more. We really enjoyed our intimate setting with close family and friends. However, we did miss several of you. We had a great time in Costa Rica on our honeymoon thanks to Aunt Ronnie and Uncle Bob letting us use their beautiful condo in Tamarindo. We enjoyed the warm climate, rain forest horse back rides, catamaran sunset sailing, snorkeling, surfing, and just hanging out on the beach. Coming back from spending time with my mom in Sacramento this week, we are now looking forward to the rest of the Holiday season. We will be getting our Christmas Tree soon and getting decorated for Christmas as well. It is so exciting to have a partner in life to experience all of our new adventures! We are so blessed!

Romania

I have been back from Romania for just under a month now. I have been wanting to update our blog to reflect my experience, but have started teaching a summer English course and making adjustments to wedding plans so things have been a bit busy lately.

My trip to Romania was an amazingly humbling experience! Our Children to Love (CTL) team spent a full week working in Romanian orphanages and running a youth camp from the Bucharest ministry center (where we stayed). We also spent time getting to know the Romanian CTL staff members through musical worship, daily briefings, and other fellowship opportunities. The team also became very familiar with the city streets and public transportation in Bucharest as we walked and rode metros/buses everywhere we went. We attempted to submerse ourselves in the culture and began to understand the ways of life in Romania.

Our mornings were dedicated to visiting orphanages! That was a wonderful time for all of us. Our first day, we had no idea what to expect. It was a bit intimidating showing up to an orphanage for the first time. Almost immediately the children began to hold our hands, hug us and were speaking so fast and passionately, you knew they didn't even care that we could not understand them. Our initial nerves and fear of the unknown were washed away and replaced with joy, peace, and love. We were there to love on the children, however, I believe God led us there to be loved on as well! It is so humbling to see how much love these little children, who have no parents, no toys, nothing, can show to a complete stranger. It is amazing what we (you and I, the privileged) sometimes take advantage of! ....We continued our day with superhero costumes, dodgeball games, tug-o-war, a giant parachute, and two skits. I fell in love with a little 13 year old girl named Carmen on this day! As the day drew to an end I was beginning to feel heavy hearted as I was sure I would never see her again! As we were giving out candy and saying our goodbyes, Carmen disappeared into the orphanage and I was tearing up for fear that I couldn't tell her that Jesus loved her and so did I. We began to walk away from the orphanage, out the gates, and I turn around to see her running towards our team. It turned out that she had been chosen to participate in our youth activities every afternoon for the entire week! I was elated. God is good! I immediately grabbed her hand and we walked and rode the metro/bus together all the way back to the ministry center. I was so thankful that I would have the opportunity to learn about her and share my heart and love for Jesus with her all week.

The afternoon youth program was great! The girls and boys were split up. The boys spent their time doing sports camp and devotions all afternoon, while the girls stayed cool in the ministry center doing crafts, and learning about God's love. I was responsible for leading a devotion with the girls and through prompting from the CTL staff and God, I changed my lesson last minute and did a lesson for the girls on prayer. It was a very rewarding time for me.

As the week wore on, seeing Carmen every afternoon was the highlight of my day. She was with me during small group time as well. After feeling discouraged about her knowledge of Christ, I went to her mentor (CTL Staff member) and asked what her story was so I could understand her better.

Carmen's story: While most kids in the Heart-to-Heart mentoring program have been with their mentors for several months, Carmen had just been assigned to a lovely woman, Denisa, only a week prior. Carmen had never worked with Denisa formally and didn't know many of the other girls that attended the program, yet many of the other girls already knew each other. Additionally, many of the girls were fairly solid Christians, and Carmen had barely started learning about God. Having never had any formal teachings about Jesus Christ, it was obvious why an entire week of constant bible lessons was very overwhelming for her and very hard for her to understand. She seemed very distant during some lessons, and so overwhelmed tears came to her eyes. Throughout the week, I grew to love her even more. Her innocent and loving heart needed some tender love. I prayed that she would grow to understand and see God's love. Yet, was worried as she never bowed her head and closed her eyes during prayer, and never really participated during small group discussions unless a question was directed towards her intentionally. However, by the end of the week, on the last day, for the first time, Carmen bowed her head, closed her eyes, and folded her hands to pray. It was an awesome moment for me. On that same day I gave Carmen my silver ring that I had worn all week on my ring finger as a momento of KJ and my engagement (I couldn't take my diamond engagement ring with me). It was really hard to let go of it because of what it represented and what it meant to me, but I felt God really encouraging me to give it to her. I was really hesitant and scared to give it away, but remembered that I had a conversation with KJ the night before I left that once I returned I would never wear the silver ring again, as I would put my engagement ring back on and wear it everyday along with my wedding band once we were married. So I gave the ring to Carmen after-all. The only finger it ended up fitting on was her ring finger as well. It was such a blessing and confirmation that the ring should belong to Carmen so she could always remember me. I made a promise to God that every time I was missing my ring or looked down at my finger and it was gone, I would pray for Carmen... and I did, and still do.

Other than growing my relationship with Carmen, my relationship with God also grew throughout my time in Romania. I often felt that the purpose for me being in Romania was entirely different then it was for most others on the team. I was in constant prayer for certain illnesses I was dealing with and also for the Lord to really work on my heart. As the week went on, God started revealing things to me that have changed me completely.

For one, God really has started preparing my heart and mind for my marriage to KJ. I feel the Lord was really showing me the transition that I would be going through as I will be moving on from my single lifestyle to my married lifestyle. He began to work on my heart and show me through scripture and other things that my role as a wife will be very different, yet rewarding. I began to really understand that some things that I value in my life now, may change as my role in my marriage changes, and I felt at peace and even began to get excited about the changes that will be taking place.

In addition, KJ and I have talked about adopting a child after we have a couple of our own. However, I always said that I could only adopt an infant because I would be able to feel like it was more my own than someone else's, and the bonding experience would be better, etc. I quickly began to realize that all children, no matter what age, need love and want to give love. My views on adoption have changed. I feel the Lord wanted to show me how much love I could have for a child that I hadn't known as an infant through letting me get to know Carmen. What an amazing experience!

Thank you to all of you who have supported God's work! As you have read, so many lives have been changed through this trip!