The Return

Thanksgiving Day we returned home from the hospital after giving birth to our precious little girl. While in the hospital, we had a few complications. Harper had been born with the cord around her neck. She had trouble breathing at first but the NICU nurses were able to help her take her first breath. She continued to breathe on her own and was fine. While still in the hospital, she was also diagnosed with an Atrial Septal Defect (ASD) as well as a Ventrical Septal Defect (VSD). Basically, she has two holes in her heart; one that needs to be monitored and possibly operated on once she gets a bit older.

Throughout our stay in the hospital, I had, unknowingly, been having symptoms of a heart attack. I woke up on two different nights gasping for air, having chest pain, and was drenched in sweat from head-to-toe. KJ and I believed I was suffering from anxiety as we had been dealing with uncertain news about Harper’s heart condition as well having a scare with her not breathing after being born with cord wrapped around her neck.

Thursday night, after returning home, I suffered the same symptoms as I had in the hospital. However, this time was different. I struggled to catch my breath for the remainder of the night and into the early morning. I believed I was having an asthma attack and took my inhaler a few different times, even though I kept telling KJ something was very different from my typical asthma experiences. My asthma had been a learning process throughout my entire pregnancy as it had been dormant since I was little and only returned when I became pregnant with Harper.

By 4:30 in the morning on Friday, November 25^th, I was still suffering from the symptoms I had awoken with in the middle of the night. I was hardly able to breathe and had attempted to give myself a breathing treatment by shutting myself in the bathroom with the hot shower running. The steam was minimally effective. In addition, I was still having a tightness/pain in my chest. KJ had been trying to get me to go to the Dr., but in my gut I knew I needed to go to the ER, I just didn’t want to admit it to myself or anyone else for fear of having to leave my baby. By 6:30am I was only able to breathe if I was sitting up and leaning forward. I was trying to get some rest and take care of Harper at the same time, but my lack of oxygen intake was making me extremely uncomfortable. We had an appointment at the hospital that morning to get Harper’s Billy Ruben retested. Just walking from the car to the lab where they took her blood completely exhausted me. At this point, I still thought I was having asthma/anxiety. It was a chilly morning and I became extremely cold and feverish as well. I was so feverish, I felt chilled to the bone. I was walking slower than I ever had, yet feeling like I was sprinting the last lap of a race. I asked KJ to bring the car around to the valet because I didn’t think I could make it all the way through the parking lot.

Once we were home, I attempted to rest in bed. I was shivering and felt chilled to the bone, but didn’t have a fever. Since I could only breath sitting up and leaning forward, it was nearly impossible to fall asleep. I ended up falling asleep for 10 minutes on my right side. I awoke even more miserable than before. KJ had been out running errands when I woke up. I texted him to come home, that I wanted to go to the ER. I was scared and extremely uncomfortable. It killed me to leave my baby girl behind. But I knew my mom would take good care of her until I could get back to her in a few hours.

A few hours turned into four days…

Harper's Arrival

Tuesday 11~22~11

4:15am

The early morning started out very routine as KJ left the house just before 4am for work. At 4:15am, just as I was falling back to sleep, my water broke. I was very excited and a lot nervous all at the same time. I called KJ and texted immediate family members to let them know the news. Once KJ returned home, I took a nice, long, warm shower. I remember thinking to myself, the next time we come home to our little apartment things will be much different. I had absolutely no idea how right I was.

5:15am

Once we arrived at the hospital the time was passed by the long process of being admitted. We were asked a million questions, hooked up to IVs and monitors, and I was started on Pitocin. My contractions slowly moved closer together and became stronger and stronger, but still, the pain was manageable. Once I was about 5cm dilated, I began to realize that if I didn’t ask for pain medicine or my epidural soon, the contractions would become almost unbearable. After speaking to my nurse I was informed that I should be having my epidural soon so we decided to wait it out. Not much longer after we made that decision, the nurse returned and said that the anesthesiologist had several patients ahead of me, still waiting for their epidural. I knew I would not be able to handle much more pain so I asked for pain medicine. I got substantial relief from the pain medicine, but could still feel pressure. Once I received the epidural, things moved quickly. I reached 9cm in less than an hour and it was time to push. From the time I began to push to the time Harper was born was a total of 30 short minutes.

4:20pm

Harper was born with the umbilical chord wrapped around her neck. Through the panic of the NICU nurses rushing into the labor and delivery room and assisting her breathing, my Dr. was concerned about my retained placenta. As she was literally fishing for my placenta with her hand, I was praying my heart out that Harper would be ok. Just as I would find peace and trust in the Lord, I would begin to panic again. This cycle of panic and peace through prayer lasted several minutes until I finally heard Harper’s little tiny cry for the first time. It was the best sound I had ever heard. Eventually, I was able to hold my baby girl on my chest and adore everything about her. Through all of this KJ was my rock. He took care of me and let the nurses and doctors take care of Harper.

9:30pm

Harper and I were kept in the labor and delivery room for several hours and were continuously monitored by the nurses to make sure the breathing and retained placenta issues were completely resolved. Once we were moved to our post partum room, we got settled for the night. Shortly after falling asleep for the night, I woke up in the hospital bed gasping for air, drenched in sweat, with a tightness/pain in my chest. It felt like an elephant had been sitting on my chest. Since this was my first time giving birth, I thought that it must be something to do with exhaustion, hormone levels changing, and possibly a bit of anxiety from the events of the day. I tried to process through my emotions to assess whether or not I needed to call a nurse. After a few minutes, I began to feel a little better and managed to fall back to sleep.

Wednesday 11~23~11

The day was exciting as KJ and I had visitors, throughout the day. We were so in love with our baby girl and very much loving showing her off to anyone who walked through the door. We were both exhausted, but thriving off of being brand new parents. Nursing was going well, and Harper seemed to be content. KJ and I both were looking forward to going home by the end of the day on Wednesday and spending our first night at home as a family. Unfortunately, that didn’t happen. We were told at the end of the day that Harper’s Billy Ruben levels were too high and the pediatrician was not going to release us. She believed Harper was at risk for having Jaundice. After we dealt with the obvious disappointment, we settled in for the night. Once again, I awoke, not long after falling asleep, to the same shortness of breath, sweating from head to toe, and tightness/pain in my chest. I began to think that something was actually wrong with me. I thought that I was having severe anxiety. This worried me. I thought that the anxiety may be a sign of Post Partum Depression. I woke KJ up and told him my symptoms and explained to him that the same thing had happened the previous night as well. We made sure I was drinking water and stayed up for a while reading scripture and praying together.

Thursday 11~24~11 (Thanksgiving Day)

We were both getting very anxious to leave the hospital and go home with our precious baby girl to spend Thanksgiving as a family. Nurses had come into our room at 3am to take Harper for her Billy Ruben test. Later that morning we were visited by the Pediatrician who also informed us that, even though Harper’s Billy Ruben levels were stable, she believed Harper had a heart murmur. She had called in a Pediatric Cardiologist to visit Harper in the hospital and we would have to stay until he checked her out. Once again we were disappointed to not be able to go home, but concerned about this new development in Harper’s health. Once the Cardiologist arrived, he performed an ECHO on her heart. He informed us that she has two holes in her heart. One of the holes, she would most likely outgrow, however the second hole was larger and cause for more concern. He told us what her condition was, drew us a diagram, asked to see her when she was 3 weeks old, and requested that we not look her condition up on the internet. At this point, even though the cardiologist released us to go home and didn't find her heart condition an immediate concern, I completely broke down in the hospital bed next to my precious baby girl who had a broken heart. It was a lot to handle as a brand new parent. Fortunately, at the end of the day, we did end up going home. Family came to visit and brought us Thanksgiving dinner. It was so nice to be home.