The Return

Thanksgiving Day we returned home from the hospital after giving birth to our precious little girl. While in the hospital, we had a few complications. Harper had been born with the cord around her neck. She had trouble breathing at first but the NICU nurses were able to help her take her first breath. She continued to breathe on her own and was fine. While still in the hospital, she was also diagnosed with an Atrial Septal Defect (ASD) as well as a Ventrical Septal Defect (VSD). Basically, she has two holes in her heart; one that needs to be monitored and possibly operated on once she gets a bit older.

Throughout our stay in the hospital, I had, unknowingly, been having symptoms of a heart attack. I woke up on two different nights gasping for air, having chest pain, and was drenched in sweat from head-to-toe. KJ and I believed I was suffering from anxiety as we had been dealing with uncertain news about Harper’s heart condition as well having a scare with her not breathing after being born with cord wrapped around her neck.

Thursday night, after returning home, I suffered the same symptoms as I had in the hospital. However, this time was different. I struggled to catch my breath for the remainder of the night and into the early morning. I believed I was having an asthma attack and took my inhaler a few different times, even though I kept telling KJ something was very different from my typical asthma experiences. My asthma had been a learning process throughout my entire pregnancy as it had been dormant since I was little and only returned when I became pregnant with Harper.

By 4:30 in the morning on Friday, November 25^th, I was still suffering from the symptoms I had awoken with in the middle of the night. I was hardly able to breathe and had attempted to give myself a breathing treatment by shutting myself in the bathroom with the hot shower running. The steam was minimally effective. In addition, I was still having a tightness/pain in my chest. KJ had been trying to get me to go to the Dr., but in my gut I knew I needed to go to the ER, I just didn’t want to admit it to myself or anyone else for fear of having to leave my baby. By 6:30am I was only able to breathe if I was sitting up and leaning forward. I was trying to get some rest and take care of Harper at the same time, but my lack of oxygen intake was making me extremely uncomfortable. We had an appointment at the hospital that morning to get Harper’s Billy Ruben retested. Just walking from the car to the lab where they took her blood completely exhausted me. At this point, I still thought I was having asthma/anxiety. It was a chilly morning and I became extremely cold and feverish as well. I was so feverish, I felt chilled to the bone. I was walking slower than I ever had, yet feeling like I was sprinting the last lap of a race. I asked KJ to bring the car around to the valet because I didn’t think I could make it all the way through the parking lot.

Once we were home, I attempted to rest in bed. I was shivering and felt chilled to the bone, but didn’t have a fever. Since I could only breath sitting up and leaning forward, it was nearly impossible to fall asleep. I ended up falling asleep for 10 minutes on my right side. I awoke even more miserable than before. KJ had been out running errands when I woke up. I texted him to come home, that I wanted to go to the ER. I was scared and extremely uncomfortable. It killed me to leave my baby girl behind. But I knew my mom would take good care of her until I could get back to her in a few hours.

A few hours turned into four days…